Wall of light. . . something's happening!

Day 4. . . still missing Manveer and the new recs a lot! :( And the conference-where-I'm-not!
Feeling sort of snappy and sarcastic at the moment, so just steering clear of people and conversations right now. Will be okay after a bit of music, it always helps!

I think something's happening to me. These sudden blank-overly alert-zoinked times are not usual, to say the very least. I feel connected to something bigger in this world, some higher power at that moment, and I'm not too sure if I like it. It's just. . . a bit scary! Passing phase? Or some base being laid down for the rest of my life? A purpose emerging? A way of life? Or a time of clarity and calmness to experience something? Dunno the answer to all this, but still searching for them at a certain level. And a certain level is not searching for answers, or anything else actually. A certain part of me is just sitting in silence and experiencing each and every moment!

I also realized something today. That we are not responsible for another person's life. Obvious? Yes of course it's obvious! But does that stop most of us from telling anyone and everyone what to do with their life? And become personally attached and take it up as a personal responsibility [however sub-consciously] to rectify it? The truth is [at least, what I think] that we are not responsible for another person's life. Advice, yes! Giving experiences, yes! Helping out and putting them on the right track, yes! But having that personal connect to their problems and feel it is above anything else in your life is just not okay! And yes, admit it, you do it too! You just don't realize it usually, right? Think about it!

I was watching the stars today. Needed to calm down a little and the darkness seemed to help. A strange concept came to me which I think I should try to follow. It's about building a positive wall around yourself. We all build walls around ourselves and cut off other people from our lives, but this is different in the way that any negative thoughts of yours that may affect them would get dissolved in the wall and not affect the energy of that person negatively. And vice versa! You can be protected from negativity of others as well. Also, the wall, being positive, emits positive energy and energizes your aura and of those around you. How is it different from a person's aura? It's made consciously and with an intention to keep people at a little more distance than usual. Not to be used too often, just at those times when you feel the need to escape or being freaked out by people around you! I liked it! :)

So yeah, today was a good type day but I'm feeling sorta pessimistic and a lil sad for some reason. And also thinking that I should make myself more independent and not really need to have external love in my life. I mean, it's absolutely great if it's there! But there shouldn't be a need for it. Even while listening to a love song while driving back home. It's okay to not think about anyone at that moment. And yes, I know that this is mostly just theory and harder to practice in real life. But yeah, it doesn't really help to like someone you know it aint gonna work out with!

So yeah, lots is changing. What I think the way I think. And yet, externally I would seem mostly the same to most people! I guess coz there are parts of me that they have never really known exist, and this is one more added to the list! And yes, despite everything, or perhaps because of everything, I'm feeling an overwhelming love for life! Everything feels so delicate right now, and yet I feel a strength I never knew existed!