Hope like it's going to come true, react numbly every time it doesn't change. Life's tough that way. Seeing your loved ones slowly kill themselves. Not good.
And not good living each day like this, hoping and dying and moving on.
There's a difference between being all accepting (like saints) and indifferent/numb (like us). What hurts is the knowledge that even though it doesn't hurt as much as it used to, or get the same reactions, this feeling finds its way into every emotion. Happiness isn't so happy anymore, and sorrow about anything doesn't touch you as much as it used to.
But this isn't about me. It's about you and what you are doing. Maybe you don't realize it, but your actions have consequences and effects on other peoples' lives too.
I hope it changes this time. I hope you get better. I hope there's a day when everything is better than it is right now. I miss you, the real you. And I want you back.
Coz someone told me how important it is to hold on, and I will. Always. Even if it changes me into someone I don't want to be. I'll hold on. Coz you're family.
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