At the end of the day, I know it's good you don't love me in that way. There are things in my life which I hope you shall never have to experience. And I want your life to be a happier one, without adding on these complications.
And I know I'm not someone who would be good for you. I'm antisocial, erratic, illogical, indifferent and cold. You need someone like the person I sometimes wish I was.
But I'm not that someone. And I'm not good for you, in that way or any other. Nor for anyone else. So i'm strangely glad you don't love me. And I'm glad that my caring for you does not run my whole life too. I know it's just a part, important, but not my whole life.
Situation is as I wish it. I just wish I could make more of an effort to be better friends, coz you are an amazing person n I would want to know you forever.
I also know it's best for me to search for myself at this time in my life. I'm turning into nothing, becoming a part of the nothingness if the universe. Which is good, but it's happening of it's own accord n I want it to be conscious. Completely.
I don't know what will happen tomorrow, and whether I shall have that weak moment I'm afraid of.
Till then, I hope. For deliverance from all that's happening now. To have the strength to carry on.
It's better this way. What I shall do, who I shall be in the next few weeks. Honestly. It's better this way, so trust me on that. N that's for everyone, not just you.
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