Thursday, June 17, 2010

Nothingness, focusless, weak.

I don't see happiness. I don't see sadness. I don't see life, or death. It's just an empty void, that refuses to go away. A chasm that's been growing over the years and refuses to fill.

It's surprising how I can still act normal with most people. Act.

There is nothingness, numbness, indifference and all the other emotions I don't want to be a part of my essential being. I cannot see life ahead and I do not trust myself with it anymore.

Giving it to someone else to handle now. I don't know what I want, what's good and what's not. I cannot lead this life myself now. At least for a while.

I may seem strong sometimes but I'm not. I'm just numb. All the hurt just goes and buries itself somewhere, waiting and biding its time.

I don't know how to lead this life anymore. I do not trust myself with something so important. Time for someone else to step in. . .

And I don't want any help. This is a journey I must endure alone.

Watching, waiting, and still not feeling anything.

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