Someday. . .

I'm not sure if I'm overly optimistic/ dreamy/ or simply morbid in thinking this. . .

I was having a random chat with a friend and realized that I actually don't want people to be sad when I die. I do want them to sing, dance and be happy. No, not to have gotten rid of me. . ;) But because when I die, I want to have been someone who lived her life fully. Someone who they enjoyed being with each moment, and feel that the relationship they shared with me was a complete and fulfilling one. A relationship that had made them happy, and the final memories of me were happy ones, and not ones that would make them cry. Not that day, not ever.

Once my soul is free from this body, once it is in it's pure spirit form and not weighed down by the lessons of mortal life, I know I'll experience a happiness that would be purer than anything in mortal life. Perhaps not happiness, no. I think the word is peace. Yeah, complete peace.

So is a morbid thought to be thinking about death when I'm just 20? Is it morbid to think that everyone who loved you is happy even when you've died? Is it being overly optimistic to think that I would have the opportunity to live so fully and completely?? Is it just a far fetched dream to think all this and have such an ideal scenario?? Well, whatever it is, it's real to me.

What is real anyway?? Anything you can feel/touch/sense?? Anything that you believe is real, is real!! And when I'm a soul, then I can decide whatever I want to believe and nobody can even challenge what I think or believe. they can't even give perspectives. They can't argue about what I think. . . If I want to believe they're happy, I will. . .

After all, they can't fight with a pile of ashes can they??