Morning rain!

It's a lovely cool, rainy morning, and I'm loving each moment of my life!!

As we go on, we remember. . .

Sent by a very special person, a song that brings back memories of 2008, and of people I love.




And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of the night in June
I Didn't know much of love, but it came too soon
And There was me and you, and then it got real blue
Stay at home talkin' on the telephone and
We would get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at our selves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change, from whatever
We will still be, friends forever

So if we get the big jobs and we make the big money
When we look back now, will that joke still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change, from whatever
We will still be, friends forever.

La, la, la, la; yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la, we will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there? Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change, from whatever
We will still be, friends forever...

on n on n on. . .

Lol, so evidently, I write entries that are wayyyyy too long!!
But I guess it's okay, coz I just want to 'write it out' sometimes and there is a lot to write anyway!!

And it's not just other people who think this way. . I KNOW my entries tend to ramble on and on. :)

And if it's too long, well, now I consider it time well spent, and words well used!

Coz more than the entry that comes out, it's the time that I'm writing that's fun!! And that's what matters right?? :) :)

Right? Wrong?

There are times when you think that doing something is wrong. . . or rather, inappropriate or unethical. But your heart says it's right. . Deep down, it says it's okay and there's nothing wrong with it.

Is the mind right?? Is there actually a 'right' or 'wrong' that exists in the world?? Or are they all just opinions and perceptions??

Like reallyyy. . WHO decides what's right and what's wrong??

Dedicated to you. . . :)

I like the song! :) Ankhon hi ankhon mein. . . everytime I look at you. :)

Baitein rahon, khayalon mein yun hi
Ulje rahe, sawalo mein yun hi
kitni batein hai jo
Kehna paye inko
Hum toh na the is tarah
Ankhon hi ankhon mein yun

Khoye rahe

Bas tumko dehke, dekhte hi rahe
Ruk jaye lamhe sabhi, jaatey huye
Kya tumse kehde aur kya na kahe
Tum hi samjhlo sabhi, hai kaash ke
Bas yeh tamanna hai
Dil jo apna hai, usko mil jao tum
Ab na khayalo mein, na sawalon mein
Bahon mein aao tum
Ankhon hi ankhon mein yun
Khoye rahe

Chand sitare saare benoor theey
Tumse mile toh sabhi, roshan huye
Yeh sab nazare phir mile na mile
Ek do kadam hi sahi, mil kar chale
Kal kisne dekha hai, kya barosa hai
Rehana jaye gile,
Yehi ipthda bhi hai, inthaa bhi hai
Hai mohaabat yeh
Ankhon hi ankhon mein yun
Khoye rahe, khoye rahe
Khoye raheee……

I love you.

Warning: long and random entry. Read at your own risk.

I just realized that truth, love, trust, hate, sadness, happiness etc etc isn't REAL. It's an emotion felt by a person and it's real only for them. It's just a word for the rest of the world.

Sometimes, it feels like doesn't exist anymore. Especially when I hear about people I used to trust, and perhaps, just perhaps, love too. There were people I had grown to love and trust, perhaps against my better judgment. Ah, the innocent idealistic teen. . . ever ready to trust and love. But what the heck, I'm 20 now and I still trust people just as much and just as easily, though maybe I don't give anyone the room to break the trust, or just don't hold them close enough to my heart to ever need to question integrity.

Is it 'growing up' when you become wary of people? Is it maturity when you start building a wall between yourself and everyone else? Is it a part of growing up to make yourself less dependent on others and not let them hurt you?? Is it right to assume that there will be hurt in every relationship and to watch out for it??

I'm not sure what I believe anymore, but I do know that a LOT of people do not have integrity in their relationships. It could be romantic, or just friendship. I can't seem to understand why people find it so hard to be honest. I know there are times and situations where you don't want to, and where your relationship with that person is like that. And it's okay.

I think this entry is going rather randomly, but it's probably because there are a lot of thoughts going on in my mind which I can't seem to link up. My relationships with certain people [or well, ex-relationships. Not necessarily romantically inclined], others relationships. . . and trying to connect them and watching how it's tough to see even one couple who loves each other unconditionally.

There are so many compromises we live with, so many times we just 'live with it', but why should love be like that?? It's difficult to understand why people chain love and put a burden of conditions on it.

'I love you'. It's such a simple sentence yet over-used and misunderstood by people. 'I' is in 'love' with 'you'. Not that my mind tells me that we click together, not that my mind says we should be together. When we say 'I', it involves every particle of our being, our mind, body and soul. When we say 'you', it means the person as a whole. Everything about them! And then there is 'love', which links 'I' and 'you'. Love, which holds no compromises, no conditions. Love. . which just. . . IS! Love, which pervades ever corner of the universe.

But you know what is the best part about 'I love you.'?? It's the full stop at the end. That little dot that completes the sentence and says 'nope, no conditions. What had to be said, has been said, and here it finishes.' It's the full-stop that truly removes all conditions and makes 'I love you.' into a complete sentence. Non dependent on anything or anyone else.

Does 'I love you' seem quite so simple now?? If it doesn't, then you haven't ever truly meant it. Never felt the gravity behind it. And if you think it is simple, then congrats, you find it naturally easy to love and cannot accept any other kind of love than this. :)

I think of so many 'I love you' s that I wasted on people who didn't deserve it. The good thing is that no1 can hurt me now, I simply don't give that power to most people. The bad thing is, that memories and regrets remain. And sometimes cause a funny sensation, which could be pain, but I'm not sure I still care enough to feel the pain, or indeed, anything from them.

I've moved beyond indifference with them. And I know that there is a 0% chance that they would ever read this, but if they do all I would want to say is this; 'At one point of time, I loved you. I don't regret that. I regret that you let it go and didn't honor it. You desecrated it and I was foolish enough to give you the power to hurt me. But you know what?? None of that matters to me now' . . .

And it's true. I've disconnected in a way I never did anymore. I'm not even sure why I'm writing all this in such a random way, and I'm sure that hardly anyone would be able to understand it. . . but that's okay. Consider it to be the last outpourings of a teenager who believed in a different kind of love. . .

And despite everything, or maybe because of it all, right now, in my life, I'm happy. I have people in my life I can say 'I love you' to and really mean it. There are people who I love unconditionally. . . and I'm happy. And to those who know I love them. . . here it is, once more, just for you, now and forever:

I love you. Full stop. :)

Someday. . .

I'm not sure if I'm overly optimistic/ dreamy/ or simply morbid in thinking this. . .

I was having a random chat with a friend and realized that I actually don't want people to be sad when I die. I do want them to sing, dance and be happy. No, not to have gotten rid of me. . ;) But because when I die, I want to have been someone who lived her life fully. Someone who they enjoyed being with each moment, and feel that the relationship they shared with me was a complete and fulfilling one. A relationship that had made them happy, and the final memories of me were happy ones, and not ones that would make them cry. Not that day, not ever.

Once my soul is free from this body, once it is in it's pure spirit form and not weighed down by the lessons of mortal life, I know I'll experience a happiness that would be purer than anything in mortal life. Perhaps not happiness, no. I think the word is peace. Yeah, complete peace.

So is a morbid thought to be thinking about death when I'm just 20? Is it morbid to think that everyone who loved you is happy even when you've died? Is it being overly optimistic to think that I would have the opportunity to live so fully and completely?? Is it just a far fetched dream to think all this and have such an ideal scenario?? Well, whatever it is, it's real to me.

What is real anyway?? Anything you can feel/touch/sense?? Anything that you believe is real, is real!! And when I'm a soul, then I can decide whatever I want to believe and nobody can even challenge what I think or believe. they can't even give perspectives. They can't argue about what I think. . . If I want to believe they're happy, I will. . .

After all, they can't fight with a pile of ashes can they??

Love you!!

I think I'm falling more in love with you with each passing moment!!

It's not just the idea of 'you' that intrigues me. .. nor is it the idea of 'love'. Nope, it's definitely you that I want!

You're someone that is impossible to not love!

Some friendships go beyond everything else.

When I was a kid, or even a teen, I used to wonder why kids make up 'imaginary friends'. Someone only they can see, only they can talk to. Someone who understands them, is always with them. someone who's fun to be with, who tells them when they're wrong, yet, an ally it comes to mischief. A friend that loves them unconditionally, and more than anyone else in the world. Someone they can count on for love and support.

I used to think it's simply because it's tough to find a real person like that in the world. That it's too ideal to happen. That it's just a childish fantasy. I mean, come on! after all, who can see these 'imaginary friends' anyway?? Kidd-ish no?

I'm starting to think that the concept is not as childish as it may seem. In fact, it's the most real and sane way for an adult to live a happy life. Imagine if there was someone like that in your life. Wouldn't you smile each moment?? Blossom out into the individual you should be. .. you want to be??

It's the ideal case scenario. The perfect relationship. Someone who can look into your deepest thoughts, and make you feel safe. . . mehfoos.

So what stops you? Do you think you can be that kind of a friend? Do you think that you could love someone unconditionally and till the end of time? Be a source of everlasting support and love? And fun?? Do you think that you could be that kind of an 'imaginary friend' to anyone?

Could you become that special for anyone? How about for yourself? Can you instill the faith within you that you will love yourself no matter what?

Give yourself the sense of security and love you deserve. Imaginary friends exist, right in your heart. It's about time you gave them the space to love you and cherish you for the wonderful individual that you are. Until today, you may have searched for a special someone, or a friend somewhere else. For once, just for once, give yourself the chance to be that special someone for yourself. Give yourself the chance to love you and be your best friend.

Imagination isn't about what's real and what's not. What is real anyway?? It's all in the mind. If you believe it to be real, then it IS real!

Some friendships go beyond the usual. Beyond even the realm of having another person there. Imaginary friends are like 'maaya'. They almosttt exist!

Random thoughts. . .

Life is interesting. Period! :)


Sometimes it's good, and sometimes it's. . . well, . . . not good!! But it's always interesting. So much going on in the mind that probably shouldn't, and so much that should! :)

Thinking of relationships with specific people and how they seem to have evolved, or devolved. Changed and become irreplaceable, or changed and become meaningless.

I've come to learn that you don't always like people, even if they are nice to you. Indeed, they may be the ones you mistrust the most. And yet, there are people who won't really say much, and do things that could break your trust, but you just seem to trust them even more.

I've also seen that I prefer it when people are blunt and outspoken when they need to make a point, coz it doesn't leave room for ambiguity. But I do love exchanging 'significant looks' which say more than an hour's worth of conversation.

People need time to evolve in a team. No matter how good/bad you have been before in n number of teams, each team will take time to settle and find equilibrium. And each team is made up of individuals who need to be on their journey of self-discovery also and keep the balance.

Love is something I will always believe in, though I'm yet to witness the forever-kinda-love for anyone in a romantic sort of way. Sure, there are people who I love, just not in thatttt way. .. or not in the forever kinda way!

In the end, excuses are shallow dismissible things. They will seem like the stupidest things on earth for a non-achievement.

I know I'm changing. I know it. And it's creating a whirlwind within me, of surety and unsurety. . Mixing all opposites and making them co-exist. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. It's like being in 'maaya'. Everything 'almost' exists. It's doesn't completely exist, or not exist. . . but it seems to almosttt exist!

I can't decide whether I think that people are hopelessly stupid, or overwhelmingly smart. Perhaps they are just confused, or not bothered about what they want enough to do something about it. Perhaps they are both, depending on their mood and what they actually want to do about it.

I never thought a target, and it's non-achievement could hurt me. Not so much at least.

I don't know who my best friend is!! :S :S

Extremely random entry, I know. Just a lot of its and bits going on in the head. :)

Wanna be bad!

Just some excerpts from something I was reading, and liked.


"Most of us are bad girls in our dreams. But there's a pattern in the bad-girl lifestyle that deserves contemplation. Bad girls buy what they want to buy, eat what they want to eat, wear what they want to wear, sleep when they want to sleep. Bad girls don't have therapists because they don't need them. Instead, bad girls have housekeepers and masseuses.

The thing about bad girls is that they know what they want and how to get it. They make their own rules, their way and don't owe anyone any apologies. They make it happen.

She's attitude in overdrive, coast-to-coast confidence and fast forward fun. She's your boldest dreams and your inner wild. A bad girl is you at your best - whoever you are, whatever your style. Bad girls are passionate about what they want.

Great women throughout history were 'bad girls'. They were dreamers, risk-takers and visionaries who defied the norms of their lives. They didn't conform and they didn't take no for an answer. They weren't afraid to break rules or scare the hell out of men to get what they wanted. You don't have to change the world to find your badness. But you'll definitely change yours.

When a good woman tries to completely snuff out the spark of wildness that nature gave her to keep her alive, she ends up 'dead' in some sense, whether it's through chronic depression, debilitating illness, addiction or driving off a cliff. A woman shouldn't have to be diagnosed with cancer to finally take up mountain climbing or landscape design. Granted it's a big transition from the 'me too' mindset to 'me first' , but sometimes the orchestra has been playing out tune for long, we can no longer hear it pr we're afraid to want to.

Don't be afraid to go after what you want. Don't be afraid to want, to yearn, crave or lust for something. If you can't satisfy yourself, how can you expect anyone else to satisfy you?? Or to satisfy anyone else?

There are no good girls gone bad, just bad girls found out.

It's so easy to be wicked without knowing it, isn't it??"

Bits and pieces

Feeling a helluva lot of things right now. .. probably won't even be able to pout them into words, so not going to try too much.

Realized a few things in the past few days:

• Love exists
• Life is good
• eXchange is one of the best ways to develop yourself
• Members are made good, not born good!
• It's essential to know more about the people you work with
• Trust falls are nice, and hold true to what they are meant to do
  
• Shedding inhibitions makes you more comfy with who you are
• Keeping a bit of yourself unknown and reserved is a good feeling
• People want to be loved
• People also want to love unconditionally, but are seldom able to
• I like sugar cubes :)
• EB rotations are as fun as you make them
• There are some people you shall remember all your life, and love
• Life is less complicated than we think
• I like being me, and I like changing me too
• I like it when people say goodnight before they sign off from gtalk. :)
• Everyone is 'good' and has a potential to be better
• Constraints don't exist
• Synchronicity is cool!
• Chocolate is mmmm!
• Kholo kholo is a song that can move me no matter what
• Candle light changes everything it touches
• Maturity is relative, not absolute. And not measurable by years
• Sometimes, it's the best to leave the past in the past, without memories
• Pictures won't ever let you forget the really special moments
• There are moments you would cherish forever, no matter if anyone else remembers or not
• I like people
• I like to sleep
• The world is made up of energy, positive and negative
• Love is
• Relationships are not definable, and anyone who tries to name a relationship is an idiot! They are much more than what words can describe
• I believe in ethics
• I also believe in doing whatever my heart tells me, even if my mind says I'm wrong
• Love is not synonymous with romance
• You CAN be in 'love' for a short time and not term it as 'infatuation'
• I like my OCPs
• A person should leave problems at the threshold and enter with gratitude and surrender into a place of worship, not leave current happiness at the threshold and enter with desires and problems
• Some wounds can't be filled, even with time
• Some memories are best left buried
• Words can be a barrier to, rather than a means of, communication
• A hug can say much more than a person ever could
• Being 'ill' is all in the mind
• People are diverse. Don't tolerate the differences, celebrate them
• I love my mom n dad in the most pure form there is, and know that they shall be there for me, always and forever, no matter what. And that I would be there for them as well.
• Sometimes, I just want to drift in my life
• I miss 2008
• I like 2009
• I can't imagine how I have changed sooo much, and remain the same too
• I can't understand some people, indeed, I don't even want to
• Cocoons are protective
• In the end, everything is gonna be okay
• There are people who are disappointing, and then there are people who exceed expectations
• Positive vibes matter
• Bling bling is nice sometimes
• A balance between personal and professional is fun!
• There are opportunities and choices in life
• 2 things I want to do in life: 1) Stuff. 2) Be awesome [not my original thought, but connected to it!]
• A dream may seem to be more real than reality itself
• Follow your heart. Either you'll learn what works, or you'll learn what doesn't!
• Music makes life more dance-ful
• Being happy is a choice, not a result
• The Archers mean more to me than I ever thought they could
• LCongs are fun!
• I like to talk. . . sometimes
• I'm grouchy and quiet sometimes
• Heart shaped balloons are cute
• There's no feeling like the one when you come back home
• I can be very politically incorrect, not care, and then feel helluva abashed!
• Being spontaneous is good
• Blackberry and peach juice have new meanings
• I could go on writing forever!
• Building a wall isn't as bad as it sounds, as long as you make a door and leave it slightly ajar so that only some people can find it
• I'm happy and positive for some weird unknown reason, and not questioning it
• I'm also cranky and snappy sometimes
• I love the garden flowers!
• Life is a compilations of bits and pieces. . . of others lives intermingled with yours
• Being a part of a team is amazing
• Being honest means never having to undergo the tedious process of lying
• "Love means never having to say you're sorry"
• Not thinking too much is a good trait, rather than thinking too much
• I loved reading 'Love Story'
  
• If you're still reading this entry, and not bored to death, I love you!