Heard this somewhere:

"I never thought about how I was going to die, but dying in place of someone you love seems like a good way to go"

Family-ish feelings all of a sudden

It's a strange time. A very strange time. I'm really not sure of who I am, and where I'm heading. Someone asked me what my fears are right now, generally in life. And I knew that even though I would not usually admit it to myself, my fear is that I shall not be the best of who I can be, and be able to support my parents. It's not a fear as such, and I'm not attracting it into my life, but it is something that I am concerned about.

Perhaps it's got something to do with turning 21, because I was never like this before. So family-ish and wanting to do more for the family. Or maybe I was always like this, but got used to being a weird temperamental teenager for a while.

I want to spend each and every moment with my family, every single day. I don't want to miss out even a moment. It's true, and I'm not quite sure how to deal with it.

I remember life a year ago, 2 years ago, 4 years ago. . . and it was never like this, never so strong.

Like the quote said "If you want world peace, go home and love your family". And I do.

I dunno if 'you' are, where you are, who you are.. But I wish you were here.

Things of leisure, learning and fun!

Exams overrrr!! :D

Things to do now:
Make my room pretty and awesome
Organize and clear up all the data on my laptop, and shift it onto the netbook
Wall art in the house!
Cook, experiment with new recipes
Crafty artsy stuff
May Fair!
Accounts at home
Gym, swimming and healthy living
Finding a part time job/workshops/NGO involvement etc

and think of more things to do, like making a bean bag, figuring out Movie Maker in a better way, etc etc etc :)

SOMETHING

I think I got over the whole you thing because I found something that freaked me out more and made me get up and want to do something about it.

It's something that takes up my whole thought time and most of my conversation time as well these days.
IT's something that hurts me more than anyone I love could ever hurt me.
It's something quite important enough to model my life around for the next few years.
It's something I know I need to change and turn into a better thing.

It's also something that I hope you never have to face, nor get to know that I do.

If I wasn't supposed to cherish every single day of my life I would just write today off as one that didn't happen!
It's been such an irritating day!
Got sick (ouch!)
Didn't cook
Exam! Finger-ache now! :P
Super hot and not-so-nice weather
I dunno, everything has just been so not-me today!

Phew, that's for the complaining part ;) .
I am really looking forward to tomorrow though. It's planned to be very special indeed. :)

:)

Mixed feelings, about a lot of things.

Some happy, some not, some just. . well. . indifferent.

Missing some very important people. A lot.

Waiting for 28th April, no matter how fast it comes, it can't be fast enough.

Getting over you, almost there now! Bit proud/satisfied/relieved/sad/empty/unemotional and a lot of other things coz of it. I don't know how long it's going to last, but hopefully it's for real this time.

Got my ears pierced! :)

Someone dating, someone about to. . This world's turning into a complicated place with me more-than-happy single! And for different reasons than you may think. :)

Yeah and my happy phase is still on, despite the occasional disappointments, failures, apprehension and fear. :)

Kyun. . .

Nice song! :)




Toofan thum gaya hai, yaadein bhikhar gayi
Jo miley the, guzar gaye hain
Aane wale aaye nahi
Waqt ki raeth ye haath se fisal gayi
Inn andheron mein, kho gaya hoon main
Par ujaale ye aaye nahi
Kyun. . .

Aankhe nam jo hoti, aasu pehle hi sukh gaye
Baatein kuch mann mein dabi thi
Kehte kehte bas reh gaye
Waqt ki rait ye haath se fisal gayi
Inn andheron mein kho gaya hoon main
Par ujaale ye aaye nahi
Kyon. . .


Lamha tham sa gaya hai
Ruk gaya hai ye pal
Bhula kal jo hai guzra
Hai jaana aayega jo kal
Roshni taare se hui thi
Jo jo tha mere aankhon tak
Pahunche jo, kho gayi woh darmiyan
Waqt ki rait ye haath se fisal gayi
Inn andheron mein kho gaya hoon main
Par ujaale aaye nahi
Kyon. . .

Yippy Yappy Happy! :P

It's funny how easy it is to be happy sometimes and so complicated at others. And it's extremely weird that it does not correspond with the situation and external environment at that time!

I mean, come onnn, one is usually in a not-so-happy state when they're in the middle of final exams and falling out of love and missing their best fren and not being a part of something big anymore! Like duh, obviously getting happiness is complicated at this time.
And one is usually very happy when they're doing lots of cool things and hanging out and doing something great and not plagued by any academic stress. Correct??

So WHY is it the opposite these days?? Not that I'm complaining. . . I'm quite happy being happy. :)

perhaps when the external environment is sufficiently distracting, and there are distressing situations to cope with, the mind finds happiness in the simple things and does not carry on a quest for happiness. And ironically, you find happiness when you stop searching so hard for it (because, when we do a million amazing things, aren't we subconsciously telling ourselves to be happy coz of it?! ).

Quite interesting. Putting in some theory after experiencing the practical aspect of this. :)

ah well, as long as there is happiness, life is good. No matter what the external world may be upto!! :) it's like a self made happiness for now.

HAPPY IN A QUIET CONTENT KIND OF WAY :)

Interesting day!
Started of dreadfully, then turned to good and ending up on an average note.

Not a day of any revelation, but one where the previous ones were not contested and no doubts came to the mind, thus creating happiness. :)

And oh-my-god, I didn't get distracted during my whole exam today!! :O Perhaps somewhere in my subconscious I really do like accounts!

And I do think I'm falling out of love, and I'm still happy (na, not in the same way, of course). And not love, actually, just the crush-ish kinda part of it, since the love existed before and always will. :)

And I'm not like you, not quite so god-like who everyone worships. I'm quite mortal, and to be honest, I don't think I'd like to be quite so out-there as everyone else is. Sure, I think I do want it, but I don't think I would.

Also, life has started having certain other things which seem important now (and I have no idea whyy!), like home, and family and being good-ish, sleeping on time etc. .. Y'know, the good things a person should do. The weird part is, that I really want to do them now! Perhaps it's a part of growing up. :) Welcome, but rather different since it's kinda demonstrative!

I saw a video and I'm still having some thoughts about it. So if you have option A and B, and a week to choose, you'll forever live in the indecision that perhaps the other one was better, no matter if you choose A or B! And it's going to last even after the week, and you'll never be happy.
But if you have only Option A(or B), and you choose it, you're happy. Always.
And you're happy even if you're told in one instant to choose one and it shall be irrevocable.
So technically, options make us unhappy since we continue to fret over what-could-have-been rather than what is. Rather stupid and pointless.
So what if there is only one option and you know it won't work? You know the existence of it (thus the desire to have it) but you are convinced of the imposssiblity of having it. Is one still happy? Curious. Although, I do think that I would stay happy, since it's as good as not having an option, and one would be happy in other forms.
I know the only real problem I have is that I'm content with what is, and I know I'll be happy no matter what. Not jumping-on-the-walls-shouting-with-glee kinda happy, but content and happy with what is and what isn't. :)

So therefore, no matter where it goes from now and even if temporary happiness clouds over, I know I'll still be eventually happy. And that makes me happy. :)

Not People-ish!

I'm not feeling people-ish again. Perhaps that's just how I am.

Sometimes it's amusing how my phone doesn't ring the whole day sometimes, and the most messages I get are from Facebook. And sometimes, it matters and makes me sad.

But usually, it's ok. Perhaps I am just accepting the changes and the consequences that come along with it. Or perhaps this is the way I am, and being people-ish was just something I did because I was supposed to (of course, I loved it while it lasted and I miss every single one of them).

I don't really know why it's 'ok' so many times in my life. I mean, come onnn, am I not supposed to feel some uncontrololable emotion and go crazy because everything's changing? It makes life feel bland. Perhaps I am just able to keep control over what I'm feeling and able to persuade myself about what to feel. I'm glad I can, but sometimes I wish I didn't. It's only rare when I react impuslively or can't keep a check over it all. I don't like it. I want to be impulsive and crazy and wild. I don't like this, it feels like a watered down version of me.

Oh well, this is a journey to discover who I am. Perhaps I will someday. And find a balance, and the people who are able to break that balance of mine :) :)

It's Odd

It's odd.

It isn't that I care any less, just that I shall let it affect me less.

It's odd how the songs you've been listening to turn my heart over like no other. Perhaps you've just got a good taste in music ;) .

It's funny how I am able to accept and acknowledge that there is nothing anymore, and the very next moment I catch myself thinking about you.

It's odd how I really do feel that I am letting go, but somewhere holding back too.
Oh well, perhaps I should let time run it's course. It's the best way. The way it should be.

ZINDAGI PYAR KI DO CHAR GHADI HOTI HAI

I've never been a fan of old songs, but I heard this little bit when I went to watch 'The Blue Mug' play, and just love it. :)




Zindagi Pyaar Ki Do Chaar Ghadi Hoti Hai
Zindagi Pyaar Ki Do Chaar Ghadi Hoti Hai

Chaahe Thodi Bhi Ho Ye Umra Badi Hoti Hai

Zindagi Pyaar Ki Do Chaar Ghadi Hoti Hai

Taaj Ya Takht Ya Daulat Ho Zamaane Bhar Ki
Kaun Si Cheez Mohabbat Se Badi Hoti Hai
Zindagi...
Kaun Si Cheez Mohabbat Se Badi Hoti Hai
Zindagi...

Zindagi Pyaar Ki Do Chaar Ghadi Hoti Hai
Chaahe Thodi Bhi Ho Ye Umra Badi Hoti Hai
Zindagi Pyaar Ki Do Chaar Ghadi Hoti Hai