So firstly, the universe has a way of doing whatever it can to make sure you do what's best for you. According to it, anyway. ;) You can keep running after it, but if it's not supposed to happen, and you surrender to the universe, it makes things much easier. And no, I do not mean that it's a way of life to just sit around waiting for signals. You must do what you think is right, but when the time comes to surrender, be strong enough to sit down and accept it.
Secondly. Umm. . life seems to have stagnated. Or perhaps it is in a transitional phase and does not want to do much. Every day melts into the next, with me doing nothing spectacular on a daily basis. And yet it doesn't feel oppressive most of the time. Yeah, sometimes it's a bit depressing, but swimming can take care of that. ;)
Thirdly, I'm still convinced that if someone cannot take care of their health, they cannot be said to be managing their lives well. So striving to get at least that part in order. Bit by bit, easy does it. Not much of an outward change yet, but the endorphin high feels awesome! ;)
Till the next random post, ta ta! :) :)
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Random updates.. :)
Random update:
swimming is awesome! Now I just need to build stamina n do more of it in the one hour I go there! 200 m (approx) ain't much when ur just doing breadths of 10 m each. Hmm.. Let's try lengths next time!
Mowed the lawn (well, half of it anyway! ) with dad and phew, it's tiring! But fun too somehow. :) still have half the lawn and some tired muscles left! :)
No change in weight I guess, but I feel happier (endorphins?) n better anyway!
Bringing in more changes slowly, turning this life into what I want it to be!
P. S. Made pizza today! ;) so much for today's good food plan!
swimming is awesome! Now I just need to build stamina n do more of it in the one hour I go there! 200 m (approx) ain't much when ur just doing breadths of 10 m each. Hmm.. Let's try lengths next time!
Mowed the lawn (well, half of it anyway! ) with dad and phew, it's tiring! But fun too somehow. :) still have half the lawn and some tired muscles left! :)
No change in weight I guess, but I feel happier (endorphins?) n better anyway!
Bringing in more changes slowly, turning this life into what I want it to be!
P. S. Made pizza today! ;) so much for today's good food plan!
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Yes yes, Universe, I'm listening. ;)
Kahani mein twist!
Looks like the universe doesn't want me to change myself. Every time I try (and this time I was serious!), it gives a million signals to tell me to stop right there!
So evidently, I must continue being who I am, whether I like it or not (perhaps it's just a nicer feeling day, but the presence of active dislike is missing!).
So I guess it's only a couple of life changing tweaks that I can do right now. The universe will conspire to take me where I should be.
The funny thing is that even though the universe conspires to give you what you reallyyy want, it would make sure you go on the path it thinks is right (IF you surrender completely to the higher power). Interesting thing, this life is.
And there seems to be a change today. The way the wind blows, the way the sun shines, and the music plays.
Oh well, looks like I have to stay on with being me. And being in touch (however rare) with the people I love. So yeah, life's working out again (although I think I should do that too!)
Oh, and did I mention, swimming is awesome! :) Jumped into 14 feet of water today. ;)
Listening to what the universe is saying. It knows this world better than I do. . !
Looks like the universe doesn't want me to change myself. Every time I try (and this time I was serious!), it gives a million signals to tell me to stop right there!
So evidently, I must continue being who I am, whether I like it or not (perhaps it's just a nicer feeling day, but the presence of active dislike is missing!).
So I guess it's only a couple of life changing tweaks that I can do right now. The universe will conspire to take me where I should be.
The funny thing is that even though the universe conspires to give you what you reallyyy want, it would make sure you go on the path it thinks is right (IF you surrender completely to the higher power). Interesting thing, this life is.
And there seems to be a change today. The way the wind blows, the way the sun shines, and the music plays.
Oh well, looks like I have to stay on with being me. And being in touch (however rare) with the people I love. So yeah, life's working out again (although I think I should do that too!)
Oh, and did I mention, swimming is awesome! :) Jumped into 14 feet of water today. ;)
Listening to what the universe is saying. It knows this world better than I do. . !
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Nothingness, focusless, weak.
I don't see happiness. I don't see sadness. I don't see life, or death. It's just an empty void, that refuses to go away. A chasm that's been growing over the years and refuses to fill.
It's surprising how I can still act normal with most people. Act.
There is nothingness, numbness, indifference and all the other emotions I don't want to be a part of my essential being. I cannot see life ahead and I do not trust myself with it anymore.
Giving it to someone else to handle now. I don't know what I want, what's good and what's not. I cannot lead this life myself now. At least for a while.
I may seem strong sometimes but I'm not. I'm just numb. All the hurt just goes and buries itself somewhere, waiting and biding its time.
I don't know how to lead this life anymore. I do not trust myself with something so important. Time for someone else to step in. . .
And I don't want any help. This is a journey I must endure alone.
Watching, waiting, and still not feeling anything.
It's surprising how I can still act normal with most people. Act.
There is nothingness, numbness, indifference and all the other emotions I don't want to be a part of my essential being. I cannot see life ahead and I do not trust myself with it anymore.
Giving it to someone else to handle now. I don't know what I want, what's good and what's not. I cannot lead this life myself now. At least for a while.
I may seem strong sometimes but I'm not. I'm just numb. All the hurt just goes and buries itself somewhere, waiting and biding its time.
I don't know how to lead this life anymore. I do not trust myself with something so important. Time for someone else to step in. . .
And I don't want any help. This is a journey I must endure alone.
Watching, waiting, and still not feeling anything.
Let go. Change. Goodbye.
I love you too much to hold on to this anymore. I'm letting it go, right here, right now.
It's not going to be easy, and perhaps it's going to take a lot of time. Till then I'll stay content with not letting it show that I still care.
And not just you, today I am letting go and cutting away everything familiar, everything known and comfortable. I don't like who I've become, I don't trust this someone I'm turning into. I don't care who I'm going to be from today onward, but it most certainly won't be the current me.
I'll miss the me that exists in this time and space, but it's time to let go of her. To let go of almost everything she holds dear and everyone she loves.
I know I have to change, because life will not go on this way. But I want you, specially, to know that you have been loved.
And the rest of the people too. Perhaps our paths will cross again once I am somebody else. I hope you recognize me and still care, because in a small locked up part of my heart, you will all be there.
It's time for a goodbye, and a time to change. Forever. May you never know who I really am nor what I am thinking right now.
Perhaps we shall meet again someday, and it would be just like the old days. Perhaps I shall be strong enough to be who I once used to be. But until then, goodbye.
It's not going to be easy, and perhaps it's going to take a lot of time. Till then I'll stay content with not letting it show that I still care.
And not just you, today I am letting go and cutting away everything familiar, everything known and comfortable. I don't like who I've become, I don't trust this someone I'm turning into. I don't care who I'm going to be from today onward, but it most certainly won't be the current me.
I'll miss the me that exists in this time and space, but it's time to let go of her. To let go of almost everything she holds dear and everyone she loves.
I know I have to change, because life will not go on this way. But I want you, specially, to know that you have been loved.
And the rest of the people too. Perhaps our paths will cross again once I am somebody else. I hope you recognize me and still care, because in a small locked up part of my heart, you will all be there.
It's time for a goodbye, and a time to change. Forever. May you never know who I really am nor what I am thinking right now.
Perhaps we shall meet again someday, and it would be just like the old days. Perhaps I shall be strong enough to be who I once used to be. But until then, goodbye.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
[Wavin Flag] When I get older. . .
When I get older
I will be stronger
they'll call me freedom
just like a wavin flag
Born to a throne, stronger than Rome
but violent prone, poor people zone,
But it's my home, all I have known,
Where I got grown, streets we would roam.
But out of the darkness, I came the farthest,
Among the hardest survival.
Learn from these streets, it can be bleak,
Accept no defeat, surrender, retreat,
So we struggling, fighting to eat and
We wondering when we'll be free,
So we patiently wait, for that fateful day,
It's not far away, so for now we say
When I get older
I will be stronger
I'll make it better
struggle no longer
a wavin flag. . .
When I get older
I will be stronger
they'll call me freedom
just like a wavin flag
So many wars, settling scores,
Bringing us promises, leaving us poor,
and in this situation when there's no compensation,
they got no occupation, can't buy no medication,
see it's a combination, no education,
we could never get it, say tomorrow's generation.
They can't control us, they can't hold us down.
So we struggling, fighting to eat and
We wondering when we'll be free,
So we patiently wait, for that fateful day,
It's not far away, so for now we say
When I get older
I will be stronger
I'll make it better
struggle no longer
a wavin flag. . .
When I get older
I will be stronger
they'll call me freedom
just like a wavin flag
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Gratitude is all there is right now.
Today I saw a person who was charged for rape. . . of a 3 year old girl.
The feeling of repulsion, disgust, sorrow and horror is indescribable. I cannot even imagine what could have driven him to do something so heinous and what trauma it would have caused the poor child.
And I heard about a farmer, who's influential neighbor charged him with theft of two plants, got him in jail for 2 1/2 years, and is now trying to take over his land. And a man who was trying to save his burning wife after the stove exploded (getting half his body burnt in the process) and then being charged for murder by the relatives after she succumbed to the injuries. A man who was convicted for poisoning his wife, who had actually poisoned herself coz of mental ill health. And these are some of the good people in prison. Good people under trial or convicted for something they haven't even done. God alone knows the actual criminals and what they have done.
Although, the rapists and the wife beaters are treated as the absolute scum even in jails. Strange, how prison hierarchy would work.
It's a tough world out there. And I feel grateful for being blessed with the situations and people I have. Sure, there are problems, but when you think of the people who live in conditions like these, your problems seem inconsequential, insignificant and utterly ridiculous.
Living life is important. And I know that I cannot merely exist now, even if I try. There is too much beauty and love in this world, and I am blessed to have a share in it.
Perhaps I am witnessing a miracle here, but only time will tell if someone has truly changed or not. Till then, hope is the strategy, and there is gratitude to the universe for everything.
I'm just happy you're safe, and home again.
The feeling of repulsion, disgust, sorrow and horror is indescribable. I cannot even imagine what could have driven him to do something so heinous and what trauma it would have caused the poor child.
And I heard about a farmer, who's influential neighbor charged him with theft of two plants, got him in jail for 2 1/2 years, and is now trying to take over his land. And a man who was trying to save his burning wife after the stove exploded (getting half his body burnt in the process) and then being charged for murder by the relatives after she succumbed to the injuries. A man who was convicted for poisoning his wife, who had actually poisoned herself coz of mental ill health. And these are some of the good people in prison. Good people under trial or convicted for something they haven't even done. God alone knows the actual criminals and what they have done.
Although, the rapists and the wife beaters are treated as the absolute scum even in jails. Strange, how prison hierarchy would work.
It's a tough world out there. And I feel grateful for being blessed with the situations and people I have. Sure, there are problems, but when you think of the people who live in conditions like these, your problems seem inconsequential, insignificant and utterly ridiculous.
Living life is important. And I know that I cannot merely exist now, even if I try. There is too much beauty and love in this world, and I am blessed to have a share in it.
Perhaps I am witnessing a miracle here, but only time will tell if someone has truly changed or not. Till then, hope is the strategy, and there is gratitude to the universe for everything.
I'm just happy you're safe, and home again.
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