Ah well, the mind is such a complex phenomenon! And the heart even more so.
How would you really know what it is you feel? I mean, how do you really really know it?
Which has not (finally) brought me to this question; does it really matter? Do you really have to know everything about how you feel and why?? Whyy?! Besides, when you make a perception (even about yourself) you subconsciously beolieve that it shall last forever, which is obviously not the case.
People change, so do their thoughts and emotions. And the situations around them. I asked someone yesterday (yet another what-is-love discussion!) 'Do all special things have to last forever? Can't it be special even if it's for a short time?'.
Therefore, the conclusion is that I don't really know what I think or feel (I have some perceptions of course, but who knows what the subconscious and unconscious mind are thinking?, and that's ok. :)
I also believe (at this moment in time) that I do not love you in 'that' way anymore even though I respect, love and admire infinitely the person you are, with all the flaws and wonderful qualities. Perhaps tomorrow I shall realize that I am just trying to convince myself of something that is not, and that I do like you in 'that' way. It's ok for me to not know, because either way, this does not entail any responsibility nor does it mean that I am going to go out n say anything to you anyway.
I know everything sounds as though I am hopelessly confused, but I am not. Well, at least it doesn't feel that way. It feels calm not, since there is no time or energy going into pondering over the scenario anymore. Whatever is, is! Or isn't!
Besides we have thousands of thoughts each day. Attempting to hash out each and every oone would be rather fruitless and frustrating.
Enough of rambling on for now, I have to now go and bake, for another special someone who I am missing! :)
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