Random updates!

Random life updates:

Correspondance is a good decision. Now I just need a zillion things to fill up all that spare time! :)

Gym is an even better decision! Even though I'm achy and sore (again) today, it's one of the awesomer things in life these days, even if I did miss a few days this week. :)

Mommy's masis are coming soon, and somehow I think that's going to be a good thing. :) They're nice, sweet and fun!

I'm missing some people, a lot. But only sometimes, coz usually there are memories and my heart to make me think that they never left anyway.

Social media makes me sad soemtimes. It seems like everyone is moving on and they just have so much to say! And that I'm not a part of their lives anymore. Only sometimes though.

I am (hopefully) going to clear up my room et al completely in the next few days. Just coz I feel like making something pretty! ;)

Unsure yet sure

So I'm not sure if you're 'the one'. In fact, I have strong reason to believe that you are not. But that doesn't change anything. Really.

And I'm sure that there's someone out there who's the one. Even if it isn't you. I wish it was, but well. . . I'm not the writer of the universe here.

But somehow I'm so sure that there's someone out there that it's okay even if I meet him on the very last day of this life. Coz I'll know he existed. And even though sometime's it's frustrating, I know it's going to be worth waiting for, so that kinda makes it okay.

So whoever you are, wherever you are, if you're the one, just know that I love you.

Bin tere

Bin tere (especially the slow version) is my favoritest song these days. Absolutely. Makes me think of you, and yeah, a bit of the other people I still miss too. But mostly you. :) Love this song, it's right up there with Iktara (punjabi version) and Ajj Din Chadheya

Mish mash of stuff!

Honestly, I'm not even sure about what I'm going to write about. Everything seems to be a chaotic mish-mash of emotions, memories and desires. All conflicting, of course, coz otherwise it wouldn't really be me, would it? ;)

I miss you, and the times that were. I also miss a lot of other people, and the life we all had together. And sometimes, I would do just about anything to get it back (yeah, even spending a couple of hours going through hundreds of pictures, reminiscing with an occasion tear or two). But I'm not sure about who I really am anymore, and even less of who I want to be. So going back into the past is only a rare indulgence now, which is okay. :)

Somedays I feel dreadfully antisocial and wouldn't dream of meeting anyone, and then there are days when I welcome and enjoy the company of everyone I meet..

Sure, I miss what's familiar, (yeah, even now). And even though on the surface everything seems kinda stagnant, I know it isn't. I'm trying to get back with life as it should be, and not escape into the wretched dream world which can be as wonderful as it can be terrifying.

The strangest is that I'm slowly (verryyyy) coming to terms with the way I am, and trying to be okay with it. Sure, it's okay to be an introvert, etc as long as you know you want to. :)

It's a weird mish mash of life, and I don't really know where it's going from here, but I hope it will be towards someone like you, even if it isn't you. Coz you and I. . well, I guess it ain't meant to be. Even I still love you more each day, I know it's not gonna happen, and there's a disconcerting sense of acceptance about it.

So yeah, trying to go with the flow, play the fool and gradually realize I'm still me, and that its a good thing. :) And yo-yoing all throughout between being a cold distant person and a nice, warm-ish person. ;)

Yet again!

I love you more today, and will love you more tomorrow.

Something's changed (yet again) but if this is what seems right now, then so be it! :)

Perhaps it was just the dream, or maybe not. Either way, it seems like I'm not quite ready to let go yet (though I though I was halfway through!), so while I'm here, and this carries on, I'm not going to fight it. Time to just go with the flow. :)

Random stuff over the last few days:

~ I don't like going online anymore. It makes me sad. Really.

~ I'm going crazy over music these days. Especially the non-remixed versions of the ones I hear at the gym. (bin tere, n tum jo aye zindagi mein etc)

~ I wish u weren't quite so cute, it really would be less distracting then. ::sigh::

~ It's good to take notice of stupid decisions, but stupid to not take notice of the good ones! Leaves u feeling low, and like an idiot.

~ Yes, occasionally I miss you, and a lot of other people. I also miss my best friend. And I do not like the fact that I am learning to live while away from the people I love.

~ Iktara still reminds me of happy times, much loved and wonderful people.

~ I don't think I'm going to continue writing for much longer on the public blog. It's just not gonna be ok soon. I just know it.

The world is irrelevant, and so are the people play-acting in it.

I do not exist, and neither does what I think. Dissolving into the nothing-ness of it all, and chopping, pruning and tending to all that must go now.

Sulk-ish. . .

Arghh. . What a idiotic way to spend the last few days!

Perhaps it's the weather, perhaps the people (or the lack thereof) but all I remember from the last few days is sulking and being buried in random books. Jeez. . . I am SO inconsistent that I can't even sulk for too long! Tired of it already and 'taking the bull by it's horns' from now on. .

It's simple really, just that I haven't followed it up yet. A bit of running, severe lack of TV and random books, swimming and I'm gonna be back on track. So totally! :)

Endorphin high, and non lazing around is all that's needed.

:) :)

Inconsistent entry, I know. But everything has been feeling dreadful, terrible and just sooo sulk-ish lately!! And inconsistent, to say the very least.

Perhaps getting rid of the cell phone would be good for a week or so too. :) Ah well.. we'll leave that decision till later then. :)

Haven't written for a while mainly coz I haven't been doing much that I could write about!! :P

Swimming erratically these days coz some days I feel cold and some days the pool is green-ish (yuck!)

As for how everything's going right now, I feel like a lovestruck little teenager!! But I must involve myself in more mundane tasks like clearing my room!! Sob!! Oh well, I can still do it dreamily.. ;) ;)

Lonesomeless!!!

Ohhh, I just don't know what's going on. The past few days have left me dreadfully despairing.

My back hurts coz I sprained it magnificently while crawling under a sofa and I do think I've managed to catch a chill last night. And the endorphin levels are tearfully low and I feel like just having comfort food. Everything, absolutely everything, feels terrible, lonesome and depressing. Even the much awaited rain. :(

It's a frustrating phase, which I am going to shorten somehow. It's making me cranky, lonely, achy breaky and keeping me awake like it's 3 'o' clock of the night.

Bah.. :| Well on the plus side, I'm going to make sure this is the last night of this ridiculousness. I don't care if I have to freeze while swimming tomorrow, but I shall get up and go in the morning! Hmph!

There, that feels so much better now. Oh well, life's still interesting... quite!! :)

Btw, doesn't 'lonesome' sound even lonelier than 'lonely'?? And like you have people who you're missing dreadfully?