Honestly, I'm not even sure about what I'm going to write about. Everything seems to be a chaotic mish-mash of emotions, memories and desires. All conflicting, of course, coz otherwise it wouldn't really be me, would it? ;)
I miss you, and the times that were. I also miss a lot of other people, and the life we all had together. And sometimes, I would do just about anything to get it back (yeah, even spending a couple of hours going through hundreds of pictures, reminiscing with an occasion tear or two). But I'm not sure about who I really am anymore, and even less of who I want to be. So going back into the past is only a rare indulgence now, which is okay. :)
Somedays I feel dreadfully antisocial and wouldn't dream of meeting anyone, and then there are days when I welcome and enjoy the company of everyone I meet..
Sure, I miss what's familiar, (yeah, even now). And even though on the surface everything seems kinda stagnant, I know it isn't. I'm trying to get back with life as it should be, and not escape into the wretched dream world which can be as wonderful as it can be terrifying.
The strangest is that I'm slowly (verryyyy) coming to terms with the way I am, and trying to be okay with it. Sure, it's okay to be an introvert, etc as long as you know you want to. :)
It's a weird mish mash of life, and I don't really know where it's going from here, but I hope it will be towards someone like you, even if it isn't you. Coz you and I. . well, I guess it ain't meant to be. Even I still love you more each day, I know it's not gonna happen, and there's a disconcerting sense of acceptance about it.
So yeah, trying to go with the flow, play the fool and gradually realize I'm still me, and that its a good thing. :) And yo-yoing all throughout between being a cold distant person and a nice, warm-ish person. ;)
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