Shell phase and letting go. . .

Well, hell.

Here I am yet again, on a random and occasional insensible thought process. Sometimes I wonder what it is about being in my own shell that's just so comfortable. It's not a comfortable or convenient lifestyle, and yet I seem to drag myself into every once in a while. Where I think that everyone thinks the worst of me, and that it actually matters to me what they think! When I don't seem to like anyone and curl up in a hole like a lost and abandoned puppy.

The strangest thing is that not much in the external world changes/triggers this response from me. And nothing changes for anyone when I go into a phase. Perhaps I'm trying to read too much into it, especially since it's hardly the time to analyze such ridiculous stuff, but it's still there! But I'm not going to wallow in self misery this time because even if it's true that I don't affect anyone, I still affect myself and being in a phase (although comfortable) isn't always a good thing.

Also, I think I have gotten over the whole being in love thing. Perhaps there is someone out there for me, but perhaps not. Either way, I always knew that even though I loved you, I would never be the one for you, and that eventually I would have to let go. Ironic how things do work out for the highest good of everyone.
I never really tried to let go, but I guess I've begun to stop holding on instead. And that's working for me. For now. Who knows what I'll think the next time I meet you, perhaps I'll fall in love with you all over again, or perhaps it really is time to let go and move on. Yes, I have been trying to consciously let go for almost a year and subconsciously for about 2. Maybe now is the time when I'm really ok with moving on and accepting that although you would always have a place in my heart, I'm moving on.

Oh well, that's all besides the point. Shell phase is on it's way out, and I'm soon to be happy shiny once again. Moving on is happening definitely this time, from you and from the current lifestyle as well. Life is shifting, one teeny bit at a time.
And now that I have rambled on sufficiently to confuse people, complicate matters and soothe my own mind and soul, I'm off to bed! :) :)

Ah life. . you're the best thing that happened to me, especially with all the awesome seasonal and permanent people you bring along!