Nostalgia

Y'know, that's the thing about nosalgia. You can indulge in it once in a while, and it's ok as long as you don't let it become your present. Of course I know that. :)

but the newest thing I've learnt is that nostalgia is sometimes absolutely ridiculous as well, coz here you are thinking of an awesome time gone by with some amazing people. And then it hits you, all of a sudden that not only have they moved on, but they are completely different people now. And missing/thinking about them is like thinking of a person who does not exist anymore, not in that way at least. Yes, even when the nostalgia is normal and totally justifiable, you get jerked back to the reality that nothing and no one is as they used to be... And that maybe, just maybe, it's for the best. And that you've grown apart as well.

Oh well, just some random thoughts, while thinking of 3 years ago. And the people. And the absence of who they used to be and how they would not understand me now.

A time to move on, a time to move on, and perhaps a time to grow apart from some memories of some people, knowing they may not make it to the future, even if they will be missed and remembered for the good ol' times, when we were all innocent and young and new.

Too much water under the bridge I guess. Too much.

Faith

I want to write about faith
about the way the moon rises
over cold snow, night after night

faithful even as it fades from fullness
slowly becoming that last curving and impossible
sliver of light before the final darkness

but I have no faith myself
I refuse to give it the smallest entry

Let this then, my small poem,
like a new moon, slender and barely open
be the first prayer that opens me to faith

~ David Whyte

Random updates!

Random life updates:

Correspondance is a good decision. Now I just need a zillion things to fill up all that spare time! :)

Gym is an even better decision! Even though I'm achy and sore (again) today, it's one of the awesomer things in life these days, even if I did miss a few days this week. :)

Mommy's masis are coming soon, and somehow I think that's going to be a good thing. :) They're nice, sweet and fun!

I'm missing some people, a lot. But only sometimes, coz usually there are memories and my heart to make me think that they never left anyway.

Social media makes me sad soemtimes. It seems like everyone is moving on and they just have so much to say! And that I'm not a part of their lives anymore. Only sometimes though.

I am (hopefully) going to clear up my room et al completely in the next few days. Just coz I feel like making something pretty! ;)

Unsure yet sure

So I'm not sure if you're 'the one'. In fact, I have strong reason to believe that you are not. But that doesn't change anything. Really.

And I'm sure that there's someone out there who's the one. Even if it isn't you. I wish it was, but well. . . I'm not the writer of the universe here.

But somehow I'm so sure that there's someone out there that it's okay even if I meet him on the very last day of this life. Coz I'll know he existed. And even though sometime's it's frustrating, I know it's going to be worth waiting for, so that kinda makes it okay.

So whoever you are, wherever you are, if you're the one, just know that I love you.

Bin tere

Bin tere (especially the slow version) is my favoritest song these days. Absolutely. Makes me think of you, and yeah, a bit of the other people I still miss too. But mostly you. :) Love this song, it's right up there with Iktara (punjabi version) and Ajj Din Chadheya

Mish mash of stuff!

Honestly, I'm not even sure about what I'm going to write about. Everything seems to be a chaotic mish-mash of emotions, memories and desires. All conflicting, of course, coz otherwise it wouldn't really be me, would it? ;)

I miss you, and the times that were. I also miss a lot of other people, and the life we all had together. And sometimes, I would do just about anything to get it back (yeah, even spending a couple of hours going through hundreds of pictures, reminiscing with an occasion tear or two). But I'm not sure about who I really am anymore, and even less of who I want to be. So going back into the past is only a rare indulgence now, which is okay. :)

Somedays I feel dreadfully antisocial and wouldn't dream of meeting anyone, and then there are days when I welcome and enjoy the company of everyone I meet..

Sure, I miss what's familiar, (yeah, even now). And even though on the surface everything seems kinda stagnant, I know it isn't. I'm trying to get back with life as it should be, and not escape into the wretched dream world which can be as wonderful as it can be terrifying.

The strangest is that I'm slowly (verryyyy) coming to terms with the way I am, and trying to be okay with it. Sure, it's okay to be an introvert, etc as long as you know you want to. :)

It's a weird mish mash of life, and I don't really know where it's going from here, but I hope it will be towards someone like you, even if it isn't you. Coz you and I. . well, I guess it ain't meant to be. Even I still love you more each day, I know it's not gonna happen, and there's a disconcerting sense of acceptance about it.

So yeah, trying to go with the flow, play the fool and gradually realize I'm still me, and that its a good thing. :) And yo-yoing all throughout between being a cold distant person and a nice, warm-ish person. ;)

Yet again!

I love you more today, and will love you more tomorrow.

Something's changed (yet again) but if this is what seems right now, then so be it! :)

Perhaps it was just the dream, or maybe not. Either way, it seems like I'm not quite ready to let go yet (though I though I was halfway through!), so while I'm here, and this carries on, I'm not going to fight it. Time to just go with the flow. :)