I sit here and wonder tonight. . . why I desire some of the things [or people] that I do. Perhaps tonight is the last time I shall feel for them in that way in my life. 

There are things and people I know should not be a part of my life, but I still want them sometimes. And god forbid, if I get them, the world turns upside down!

I don't know if it's the secret working here, or simply god telling me to think before I wish something, or perhaps it was just that I wasn't completely clear on what/who I wanted. Course, that was more for the personal life that I'm giving up completely now. It doesn't seem to have any output and even the love in it seems to become mechanical and superficial, making me wonder where is the love.. 

Until I don't become myself. . . really become who I want to be, it's a bit of distance and much more focus on what I want. :)

No point in thinking about YOU after today, because you're going far away from my life tomorrow, into another realm or perhaps it's just me. . . .

Somehow, things that used to matter, opinions and the potential existence of some moments. .  don't matter anymore. Maybe it's acceptance or maybe it's other things that I want before I can look at you in the eyes again.