I met a person who prayed for me. . . and gave me strength and focus. :)

I realize that I am strong enough to face anything and anyone in the world. . . Sometimes, it just takes more time!!

A bit of both

I realize I am not perfect! And that I do not want to be!

I am a bit selfish. . . and a bit selfless too. . .

A bit egoistic but a bit humble. .

A bit cold, and a bit loving and warm

A bit irresponsible, but a bit reliable too

A bit of unaffectedness, and a bit of passion

Sometimes careful, sometimes reckless

A bit of both extremes, that I'm made up of. . . A little of this and that, neither one stronger, but both raging a battle to win. I'm a bit good, and a bit bad. . . but. . well, that's me! Searching for a stronger me while the inner battle rages on. . .

Changes and thoughts right now

Tired and frustrated sometimes. . . occasionally more often that necessary. . .

Sometimes weak, sometimes inefficient too. . . sometimes everything I shouldn't be. . .

But I want to be a better me. . . . want it each day. . . And I want it enough to go through the process for it too! Processes that are frustrating sometimes, but usually the most unique and wonderful ones I can hope for.

Trying to grow enough to fit the person I want to be. . .

Sometimes I don't do the best I can. . . and sometimes even the best is not enough. . . And that's the wonderful part of growing! I realize each day how much more I can grow. . sometimes I don't too. . . I make my own mistakes and it's ok

De-cluttering my life right now. . . sorting through thoughts. Fears and mindsets. . . beliefs and attitudes. Removing the non-required and introducing what I want to be a part of me. De-cluttering it all so that there's space and calmness for something new, something I want! :)

And eventually, I want to develop into a person who I would want to look up to. . someone real, someone better . . but someone who is still definitely ME!!

Not making much sense here possibly, in a strange mode [read: not a phase] and random trains of thought. But somewhere, my mind and heart are aligning to make a better me so that I can do the best I can. . . and support the people I should and want to!

Bits and pieces

Lots of things going through my mind. . . none of which would be appropriate to write here today. Just snippets of thought carried away;

A lot has changed, some of it is okay, and some of it is not. A lot of what happened was okay. .. and then some of it was not.

Not going to attempt to make amends with every mistake I ever made. Burying some, changing perspectives for some. . . ignoring some. . . and changing the ones which need to.

All said and done. . life can be utterly exhausting on some days, but at the end of the day, you still know that it's a good enough place to be in.

And no matter how dark and twisted I may be, somewhere, somehow. . . I am a simple person who becomes happy easily, angry even more easily. . . ;) trusts blindly, and likes it when other people are in love. . . Somehow, even though I feel numb and inhuman sometimes, I have the most human-est emotions that are normal-ish and just so. . . . simple! :) :)

At this moment, simply happy, for no particular reason, and for a lot of reasons as well. ;)

Feeling more human. . .

Pretending from the bottom of my heart to be who I want to be . . . not who I am. . .

And somehow, somewhere. . . I realize that it's okay to pretend and to have a mask.

Masks

Somewhere alive. . .

Living a life of contradictions.

Wanting less, desiring much.

Living less, dying more.

Surviving each day. . . for the little things in life that seem to matter. A cup of coffee, a hug, a smile a phone call. Waking each morning to make the insignificant change I am still able to make.

Dying each day for those little things too. That missed call, that unreplied message, the cold glance, the silent conversation. The songs gone by, the tears yet unshed. The love

told no more, the hugs held back. The vanished smile. . . the cup of tea gone cold. The inability to want to change anything anymore. The time spent alone that makes me lonely now. Staying awake each night, unable to sleep any longer. And unable to wake up from the stupor that enfolds me, disguising itself as sleep.

Surviving each day. . . knowing that these little things matter less than 'those'. And believing with all my heart that those ones will come back someday. . . when I allow them to light up my life one more time. . .

Till then, adieu. . . goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. Goodbye oh person who I love the most.

Through darkness. . blinded by the light around, I shall walk. Until you come back to me and I have the strength to love you and accept your love one more time. . .

Until I am able to believe in the goodness of love, and the foreverness of time. . until the tears finally flow and the breathing ceases to matter. Until I open my eyes and see the world once more. Until I can change into me one more time. . .

Realizing I'm still human. . . and unsure if that's 'okay' and the way I want it to stay!

?

There are things I don't want to be. . .

but somehow, they are turning into things I'm not only 'okay' withm but things that I desperately want and need in my life. . .

Changing. . . for better or for worse?

Infinity

Take your time. . . to trust in me. . .

And you will find INFINITY!

Engulfed in fear, buried down a hole, crawling away from life. . .

Need to rise up, see the daylight. But spiralling further down each moment, losing myself in the fear and belief of what isn't true. . . and of what is!

Yet to figure it out.. . . yet to live. . . yet to love!