Thinking about relationships. . .

It's almost 2 a.m. now.
Today was Karwa Chauth. . . Needless to say I kept the fast. And needless to say that mom wasn't cool with it! So yeah, 24 hours of no food or water [didn't eat Sargi in the morning] for the long life of a man that I have probably not even met yet!
There is a part of me that is whimsical, dreamy and starry-eyed. It's this part that makes up my essence but it also makes life unsafe at times because reality seems to escape away sometimes! Anyway, today was yet another day of trying to think of the more normal things that I should be focusing on rather than just being spaced out. I think I'll go to the lake tomorrow morning. Need to get time off alone! In fact, it's time alone with yourself when you learn the most about who you are and what you want from life! It's something I have been thinking of but haven't given to myself. So tomorrow, at least 1 hour is dedicated to me! :) After all, I am the only one in my life who will undoubtedly stick along with me all my life!
People have asked me so many times who I've kept the fast for. . . Well, I think it wasn't for anyone actually! No guy in my life is special enough at this point of time that I would pray for his life and fast for him. I don't think I'm that deeply in love with anyone actually. Anyway, that brings me to another thing that I've been thinking about today! Is distance more important in relationships or closeness? If you can't give another human enough space to live their life the way they want, you're trying to suffocate them. And yet, if you are too far off, you're leaving them alone to fend for themselves!
I think that a balance needs to be maintained, but especially the distance! If the distance decreases, it would bring the two closer anyway! And it would give enough space to that person t breathe at least! I also believe that it's necessary to keep a certain amount of distance from people. Especially people you like in that way and even then, specially when they like someone else! Not just because you may feel like you're coming on too strong to them, but also because you have no right to throw another person's life into turmoil with your love. Because practically speaking, that happens! Oh and disclaimer: everything that I say here doesn't have to apply to me! Most of these are just thoughts and perceptions.
Relationships are complicated, or is it just that we make them so?
We feel guilt for so many things. . . personal and professional. . and of things that are a mix of both. Each day, each hour, each minute, each second is an opportunity. And each time you waste it, you regret it. And in all these years of life, sooo many opportunities come and sometimes, you take a decision that you're not sure of. No, it isn't wrong, just unsure. And eventually you may feel guilty. Not because of whatever happened, but because it may have affected the other person's life in a profound way. In fact, I saw this movie once where this guy left 2 girls mid-way in a relationship. And only because he was at a particular point in his life. What he did could be forgiven, but the manner couldn't. And it affected their whole lives! I think we do it too. everything that we say, or don't say; do or don't do, affects someone else. And no I don't mean that this happens every time in life! It doesn't mean that you shouldn't be spontaneous. Au contraire. . . spontaneity is an essential spice in life! Sometimes, acting before thinking is required as well. Sometimes, things happen directly from the heart. And the more you think before it.. . during it. . . after it; the more turmoil shall invade your mind!
I know, I may sound a bit random, but I'm not! Or maybe I am. .. but I like it!
Listening to soft hindi songs. . seem to have an old-worldly charm to them. But it's just making me feel senti!
Anyway, lost the thought flow after a certain group chat now. . so time to sleep. . and think some more.