So the world is changing yet again. Well, my world is anyway.
Been attending classes for the past week, and got my life moving again, which is a good thing I guess. There are a million things I want to do right now, but there are enough things to stop me from most of them. Some good, and some not too good. The worst are the ones I'm afraid to do coz I'm just plain scared. Scared coz I know I'm hopeless at them and at what others would think or because it's ridiculously simple and everyone else is good at it! But that's ok too, because I'm becoming more non-social and oblivious (read: don't give a damn) to what others judge me by.
Also, a lot of people and relationships, or rather the emotions certain people seemed to trigger in me, just don't happen anymore. Maybe I've changed or maybe them. Maybe I'm becoming so removed from what was once my reality that it doesn't connect to what is real for me now. Sure, I still care about them nl, but that forever kind of feeling is slowly going away.
Perhaps I'm thinking all this because I realize there is another world out there, or because I'm letting go, or I'm separating the different worlds too much, or maybe it's because I'm just hopeless at keeping in touch with people. Who knows?
It's just that some people are right for each other, and some aren't. The trouble is, sometimes you know you're not right for them, but you still hold on. Well, maybe I really should let go and do a bit of growing up instead.
Speaking of which, I just realized I'm going to turn 22 next year! Going back to school yesterday made me feel like I'm growing old already. Well, hell.
And there are people who have finished their grad by now, and those who are working. Those who are following their passion, or doing something awesome anyway. Well, I'm pretty much done with none of the above, but it's going to happen for me someday. The road is kinda rough, and it's slow going right now, but it's just a matter of time and effort to get through this patch and off on the smooth endless road that's going to take me to a place where dreams come true.
Oh yeah, and I know I'm changing. I'm not sure into who or what, but let's not read too much into the process and just let it happen this time. :)
As for all the things on my list of want-to-dos, well I'll go and get them at my own pace. As long as I'm better this week than I was the previous week, and that stays true for every consecutive week, I guess I'll make it through. :)
People used to tell me that I'm an old soul in this body. They still do, actually. Ah well, the body isn't old enough to be retired just yet, so this old gal better pull up her socks and get some work done before the body catches up with the soul...
