Now that I know why this happens, it still doesn't make things better. I know why it is the way it and and what to do to change it. . . but. . .

And yes, I am still missing you! Even though I may not know what to say to you if you were here, but missing your presence. . . much more than I should.

Not unhappy. . . just. .. not happy!

It's one of those days. . . yet again. . .

Down and out, least bothered about what people think and what's right.

Just not liking anything. Not able to feel happy, if you know what I mean.

Can't put it into words, but quite simply, I'm a bit tired, angry, bottled up, frustrated, and unable to move forward. And this leads to the simple feeling of being not happy [not unhappy. . . just, not happy! like, I can't be happy!]. And I don't like it. And I don't like the attempt to be strong and appear happy no matter what. And to have nobody know the whole truth of it all. :(

Feeling wordless. Not speechless, not quiet, not silent. Wordless.

And missing you. Yet again.

Well, unhappy right now.

Really wanted it, but perhaps not enough.

Taking it's own time to sink in, and hurting every inch.

Won't say anything else, still not sunk in. Probably won't at all. . .

It's not ok. . . but well. . it's ok anyway.

The more I think about you and start to like you [even if it's about the kind of person you are. . . and not like as in likeeee], the further away you seem to go and colder you appear!

Wondering 'what's up'!

Conversations end up being more candid than they should sometimes. . ;) But I like it!!

Me: Blah! I don't care! I don't care if he doesn't meet me! I don't care if he doesn't have the time or inclination to! I really truly don't care!

Mom: Hmmm. . . Do you actually not care, or are you just saying that you don't?

::pause::

::thinking::

Me: I'm just saying I don't!! I know I'll still care no matter what! ;)

Realizing I've come a long way. . . and still have a long way to go.

Not okay with giving up my personal space every single time. Not okay with being dependant on others, because I know now that I can be the one to change it all. I can be the one who shall do it. And I will.

Losing a few things, gaining a few too. Gearing up to change the world.

And being selfish [and happy about it] enough to think of myself in this whole process.

I love you. . . completely and truly. And I miss you more than anyone else right now.